Sugar-Free & Me

I Didn't Intend

2009-11-11T08:36:00.002-06:00

I really don't intend for this to be a chronicle about my B but well, he weighs on me heavily. I cannot get that fateful day out of my head. I cannot stop thinking about losing him. I have always worried about him but with his CML, I worry about him more.

He's off to NYC tomorrow to join his GF who is travelling there for school, Texas Tech Law School that is. She is my future attorney and I love her. So, what will I be doing? Worrying but extremely happy that he is happy and in NYC, a city he has longed to visit since he loves A-Rod and Jay-Z. (Hm, what is up with the letter nicknames?)

He is my pride and joy and damnit if I don't love him so.

As for my diabetes, all is ok. I gained a few pounds but don't feel any heavier if that makes sense. I don't need to go to the doctor til January but I should lose some poundage so I make make the endo proud. :)

All About B

2009-11-10T13:19:00.002-06:00

So, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has CML. That's Chronic Myelogenous (Myeloid) Leukemia. My brother has that. My beloved brother, pretty much my most favorite person has that. February 12 is when he was diagnosed and it was the worst day of my life. Granted, we all thought it was that leukemia but, thankfully, it's CML.

He is doing great. He regained the 20 lbs. he lost before the diagnosis and is going doing superb. Thank God for insurance cause yea, without it, his 1-pill a day treatment would cost $4,000 a month.

He will have it forever unless he decides to get a bone marrow transplant (from me) and while it saddens me a great deal to know that the brother I love and have loved since he was born (30 years ago this past Sunday) has this, I am happy he is here. For a split second, back in February, I envisioned an alternate future that didn't include him. I didn't like that future. I like mine to include him because he rocks. I have an older brother but he's a douche, ok? Douche. But, my little B, he is the best. BEST I tell ya.

One of the things I told him when he was hospitalized was, "Always gotta 1-up me, eh?" since I was diagnosed as a diabetic the April prior to his CML diagnosis. We laughed.

My little B, how I love thee.

2009-11-02T14:56:00.001-06:00

I'm working on it. Trust.

Carpal Tunnel

2009-09-29T09:27:00.002-05:00

The diagnosis is carpal tunnel which isn't too bad for the majority of the population since most of them have it but it be bad for Margie and her diabetes. So, I get to get an ergonomic keyboard and take it easy on the cleaning and shit as well as walk with my hands down. These are all tips from my doc. Honestly, not too worried about it but I will try. Everything went ok though.

As for the cancelled CT scan, I haven't had any pain in my side so hopefully the supposed diverticulitis, what my GP suspects I have/had, is gone. I hope so. One of the meds I am taking, one I took early last year, stained my teeth brown and it freaked me out that I had to visit my dentist and get them cleaned. It was him who told me about the med and its side effects which were NOT listed on the little pamphlet they give you at the pharmacy. I read that shit thoroughly and WTF??!?!!!!!!! So, I felt like Kramer, "Look away! I'm hideous!"

Blah.

Ok, let me be positive cause I detect a little negative trend here. I feel good, honestly. I'm 33, just celebrated on nine-two-seventy-six (a phrase I say a lot since I have to get me my meds and visit my doctors) yet I feel 25-28. I feel good, I sleep at a reasonable hour which sucks cause I wish I could hold it together and watch ALL of Monday Night Football, I try and eat well and dangit, I think it's paying off. It still sucks because of the sacrifices I am making especially with all the ice cream not the light stuff, etc. But, but, but, I know it will pay off when I am 60, 70, 80 and still have functioning kidneys, liver, pancreas, eyes as well as feeling in my legs and arms. Yea, check it!

Cancelled

2009-09-24T14:03:00.002-05:00

I cancelled my CT scan for tomorrow. I would much rather try the meds than have that done...for now. If the meds don't help then I will do the scan but I just don't want to. Ugh. I'll keep the EMG test but not that other one. I'm just tired and there is a chance I will have to come in on Saturday and I really don't want to even though OT is always nice and damnit if I just want to sleep in a little and perhaps finally start watching The Office from February and on. I stopped watching them because I was always with B and he was sick and damnit if I just wanted to be with him. He was in the MFing hospital, I had to. It's B.

So, yea, I'm not myself today. I had a rough night and all these tests and health and shit just defeat me. All good grammar and all that shit goes out the window too so blah on making good sentences and making my English teachers proud.

We're supposed to have cake tomorrow here at work for September birthdays and that includes me. There are about 7 people with September birthdays and honestly, as a diabetic, I'm certain there won't be shit for me to really consume. I mean, I can eat anything I want but in moderation but who can only have a tiny almost see-through sliver of cake? Nothing would be better than that but that is just my opinion.

Why tempt fate?

A Wh-what?

2009-09-23T15:16:00.002-05:00

MFing, SOB! Guess what I'm having done this Friday? A CT scan. I've never had one and no, I'm not looking forward to it. Seriously, WTF? The pain on my right side may indicate diverticulitis according to my GP. How awesome.

Sigh.

Ok, so it makes me a little sad and I cannot muster up sarcasm or wittiness or whatever for the remainder of this post.

EMG first and then a CT. Blah.

Some soup and my catpire may be just what I need tonight. The BNC usually leaves for his band practice and while not on Wednesdays, he is for now bc of a new drummer and some upcoming shows and ouch, my side is hurting a little and ok, it's gone.

Sigh.

Some and None

2009-09-22T12:50:00.001-05:00

So, back to my diabetes. I don't have to do the cardiopulmonary test as well as the CGM (continuous glucose monitoring) where I get a little facehugger a la Alien in my side for 3 MFing days. Yea me. I just get to do the EMG to check my neuropathy and if the diabetes has affected it.

I just got back from my GP where I involuntarily donated several tubes of blood as get orders to have an ultrasound to find out what this pain in my side is all about. Yea me!

I wish I were home cause that blood withdrawal just about defeated me today. I hate that part and I was unprepared for it whereas all the other times I'm ready. So naturally I yelped and squirmed and prayed for a quick end.

I spoke to B a while ago and he's up in the air about getting the swine flu shot as he has chronic leukemia. My little B. I've been thinking about it as well as both of our diseases are chronic and those are part of this whole get-the-shot thing. He's going to talk to him oncologist about it and see if we should get it. I failed to ask my GP earlier.

What a crappy day. Add some nasty rain and ugh. But, at least it's the first day of fall and a cold front is passing the city and yea for blankies (maybe) and some opened windows so I can air out the cats.

I will try to keep up with this blog, mmmkay?

2009-08-11T10:47:00.001-05:00

Does anyone even read this?

Take 2

2009-06-23T15:49:00.000-05:00

I had an update earlier and then, it gave me some stupid error and gone it went.

Let me not lose my patience and try and remember what I wrote.

Ok, here is my update on my diabetes since, afterall, this is what this blog is supposed to be about.

I have lost 27 lbs. since April 25, 2008, the date of my diabetes diagnosis. I am 3 lbs. shy of my goal. Ok, let me explain. My goal of 30 lbs. is only for my hair. I have been ready to cut this shit off. I hate long hair. Add curly hair in Houston where there is always buckets of water in the air and geez...so ready to die. It's beyond the 10 inches that Locks of Love requires for hair donation. Locks of Love and my goal took on a whole new meaning when my breast cancer scare happened and then when my little B was diagnosed with leukemia this past February (which later became chronic leukemia). So, I stuck to my goal and am just 3 measly lbs. away from it. Yea me! I don't have a final goal though concerning my weight. It's more of me just wanting to get off the meds and not have to inject my side with medicine twice a day. It's tiresome and it breaks me in a little inside when I draw blood and it gets on my shirt. Yea, that hurts not physically too much but emotionally. That's what bothers me more than anything. I'm MFing 32 and here I am doing this shit. If I live to be 80 then I will live with this for more than half my life. I have to be extra careful because I don't want to feel my feet tingle at 40.

What else?

I'm taking my Lipitor. I tried to lower my cholesterol on my own but, after a talk with my doctor, he said that I should take it even if my cholesterol lowers. It would protect my heart. Geez, thank God for insurance, good insurance that is.

Everything though is going good according to my endo and my OB/GYN is happy and I love her. She was the one who prompted me to check for diabetes because of my PCOS. That predisposed me and I never knew that it did. That alone made me visit the endocrinologist every year. I finally hit JACKPOT last year though. (I keed.)

Sigh.

I'm outta here.

I know, I know...

2009-06-23T14:58:00.000-05:00

I hate you blogger....my post....gone.
An update. Fuck you!

Sighdy, Sigh, Sigh

2008-08-07T14:39:00.000-05:00

Sigh.
I've been posting entries over at livejournal. I forget about this one and quite frankly, no one reads them. I've been searching for food blogs and while I found several, I was really in search of some that were more diabetic friendly.

FYI
Not coming into work on Tuesday because of Edouard really threw me off and making my work days seem longer.

Eh.

Eh.

2008-07-23T13:39:00.001-05:00

11 pounds and counting.

I've been extra tired lately and it's not because my sugar has been high (it hasn't). I'm a little under the weather and just want to sleep and sleep.

This is all.

Test Time

2008-07-01T09:39:00.000-05:00

I had my EMG yesterday. It was scary but it's over. The needle pricking was disturbing.

I was upset yesterday. As I am sitting in the doctor's office, I notice a lot of Mexicans there as well as older people.

That gets me down.

@(&$^!^!(!&*^^%^(&!!!!!!!

2008-06-20T13:32:00.000-05:00

I am having a bad day. I am seriously close to fucking up some people at BCBSTX. They are giving me the run around concerning my claim for my test strips. WTF? Walgreens isn't part of my network? Are you kidding me? They couldn't explain that shit to me? Neither one of them? I could have found a place that would file the claim on my behalf rather than me? And wtf the difference is going towards my deductible? Fuck. Diabetics have it hard. Shit, fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck, fuck, fuck.

Fuck me.

ps...sorry for the cursing.

Tests and More Tests

2008-06-05T13:13:00.001-05:00

I had a doctor appointment yesterday to learn the results of my blood work and 24-hour urine test.

Bad News

High cholesterol - I have to take Lipitor now. It is not incredibly high but it would be best to bring it down as it may lead to heart disease.

High testosterone - I've had this before. I get to take Metformin now to help manage that as well as my PCOS which causes high testosterone.

High blood sugar - This is a given. I'm taking my Byetta to help with it

Good News

I lost 6 lbs. since April 25, the date of my diabetic diagnosis.

My blood sugar was 114 when I walked in. That is freaking awesome.

My doctor is really proud of me. I can't tell you how good that makes me feel.

I have to have a cardio pulmonary test at the end of the month. The first week of August brings more tests including a continuous glucose monitoring test where a strip will be inserted under my skin and record my blood sugar every 5 minutes for 72 hours. The other test is an EMG, electromyography, which will check out my muscles and how they are working. Something will be inserted in me to determine that.

I'm not really looking forward to them but know that I am going to do my best to "study" for them.

Lunch

2008-06-04T13:27:00.000-05:00

We had Jason's Deli today for lunch. I ordered the turkey on whole wheat, baked chips and a cookie. I even brought along my own drink, a Fuze Blueberry Rasberry from drink. This drink is a diabetic dream. 2 carbs and 10 calories per serving. Double it if you finish the whole bottle, which I normally do. Yum. This is my new BF.

Back to the sandwich. I asked for no lettuce and tomatoes with American cheese. What did I get? The lettuce and tomato with jalapeno cheese. Boo. I picked it out and took a bite of the sandwich. Eh. I decided to eat only the turkey slices so I could enjoy half of the cookie. I only ate 4 Baked Lay chips. The cookie wanted me. I haven't had a cookie since April. I ate slightly over half of the cookie but it was delish. Would the wheat bread done me more good than the cookie? I'm sure of it but honestly, I think I deserved that cookie. I ate more of the cookie than I wanted but I still feel good. I'm super full because of all the water I have been drinking but man, is my pee clean.

I have a doctor's appointment in over an hour. I should get the results of my blood work from April 29 as well as 24 hours of my pee. I'm almost certain my pee and blood are much better now so much so that I should sell my pee on eBay.

I'm proud of myself. I'm happy and trudging along. I hope my bubble doesn't burst today at the doctor's office.

Will Power

2008-06-03T09:13:00.000-05:00

The medication I am taking is a med pen called Byetta. It's a prefilled pen that has enough dosage for 1 month. God bless insurance because this baby would have set me back about $280. I only paid $30 since it's a non-preferred brand. There is still some medication left in my old pen but it will not dispense it anymore. Hence, I didn't take any medication yesterday. My sugar was 156 this morning. A little high for fasting but lower than I thought it would be since I had a late dinner last night that consisted of a country fried steak with mashed potatoes and corn. I didn't finish the whole thing but still. I am proud of myself for not giving into getting the Molten Chocolate Cake. (We went to Chili's.)

Andie, my Soul Sister, is proud of me and how I stuck to my regimen during her visit this weekend.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at 2:45p. I will finally hear the results of my blood tests from April. May was a bad month to go as work wouldn't allow for any time.

I hope all is good. If not, then at least I will know what I really should be concentrating on.

For Lunch

2008-05-30T12:59:00.000-05:00

I had my what has become my customary breakfast; 2 breakfast tacos from Taco Cabana. I am going to quit that soon because of the flour tortillas though but until I finally can find something then I must stick to it.

For lunch I had a leftover pork chop. It was satisfying. No bread, no starches, no sides, nothing. In about an hour I am going to check my blood sugar and see how it came out from that lunch.

Edit: Nevermind. I just realized that I forgot my monitor at home.

Grocery Shopping

2008-05-28T08:29:00.000-05:00

I was talking to my mom yesterday about how hard being diabetic is. Actually, it isn't in the sense of doing what you have to do but the hard part is grocery shopping. There are not a lot of diabetic-friendly foods out there. So many things have too many carbs, mostly made of sugar and high saturated fat. It can now take me more than an hour to shop and that is without filling up my cart. I can still see the bottom of my cart when I shop. I go through every aisle reading and counting and trying to come up with good meals that will not get me a high reading. The questions of will it or won't it constantly run through my mind. Getting in a good sale is not really a big thing anymore but rather finding out something that I can eat is. I have become that person-the carb counter. Everything I do is revolving around my diabetes. I cannot sleep too late, I cannot eat this or that, I must take my meds, I must check out my sugar, I must exercise, I must. If not, the consequences can be deadly. I'm only 31. I don't want to look and feel older when I am 40 with only 1 kidney working, my eyesight shot, circulation running badly, etc. I do not. It will only be harder if and when I decide to have children. I must maintain my blood sugar levels no more than 120 or I run the risk of bearing a child with birth defects.

It is a lot to take and while I still think it is not hard to do this, finding diabetic-friendly foods is.

God give me strength.

My Med Pen

2008-05-21T13:33:00.001-05:00

I have to take my meds twice a day. It's a med pen. I have to inject it in my skin rather than directly into the blood stream like a syringe. Contrary to popular belief, it is not insulin. I am happy it is not insulin. That would mean I would be further down the line. I am not. I am good on everything. Coincidentally, I forgot take it before I ate lunch. I usually take it before my now brekfast time but I have been skipping it this week. Damn.

Pardon the grainy photo. My Fuji is still out of commission. I am almost done with the pen for the month.

Close-up of the needle.

The marks it has left on my side. Sometimes they get itchy. It doesn't hurt but sometimes it can leave you dejected.I learned how to check my blood sugar without that hurting as well. The side of the finger not the tip. All the nerves are there hence the pain. You can also try the palm.

Welcome to Diabetes

2008-05-21T08:48:00.000-05:00

April 25, 2007

I had my yearly check-up with my endocrinologist. I had just had a wonderful lunch with my younger brother, B. The nurse came in, pricked my finger. 283.

Um, I just had lunch with my brother. Maybe that is why it is so high.

It doesn't matter. It's high and you are officially diabetic.

What?

I had a series of tests done on my heart, feet, blood pressure, pulse and circulation. Everything came out fine but I was diabetic. People with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) don't usually have trouble with any of those except their blood sugar. Fuck me. I wasn't devastated considering that I was had been given an all clear with a breast specialist the week before. I'll gladly take this over that. However, the reality will eventually hit me later.

It did.

I have listened to my doctor since day 1 but I can't tell you how hard it is to know that people all around you should really be eating like you. I didn't develop diabetes for being overweight but rather for something else. Everyone is headed toward my disease by the time they are 40. I'm 31.

I've been good, really good and haven't cheated once. Water really helps. I'm still trying to control my blood sugar and pinpoint what exactly spikes it but I know I will manage it just fine. I don't want to lose my eyesight, my kidneys or a limb.

I'm on my way.